


My Strange Addiction

by NicciCrowe



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Eclipse AU, F/M, Knotting, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Reader be warned, okay this was meant to be a one-shot but it turned into a goddamn novella, sorry for the giveaways in tags but i figured people would want to know, thank you lora leigh for the inspo, this is not the same universe as my new moon story, very explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:01:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicciCrowe/pseuds/NicciCrowe
Summary: Bella thinks she's having a dream but she's not.This is a separate universe than my New Moon AU. Starts in the tent. I was doing some Eclipse research and this story popped in my head and I decided to write a one-shot, then of course knowing me I wrote 30 pages so it's a two-shot because I have no chill??I also tried to give Bella more of a spine in this, though I kept it a little closer to cannon than my New Moon story.Very explicit, reader-be-warned. All props go to Lora Leigh author of the "Breeds" series for the uh... well. You'll see.
Relationships: Jacob Black/Bella Swan
Comments: 39
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welcome to my shameless Eclipse AU tent scene

The wind shook the tent again, and my entire body seemed to convulse with it. 

The temperature was dropping steadily. I could feel it clear through the down sleeping bag into my bones, aching and sharp. My coat, underlayers, and insulated hiking boots did little to alleviate the numbing cold slowly stealing through me, causing me to shiver uncontrollably. My jaw hurt from gritting my teeth against the chattering, and my body shook instead as my muscles tried in vain to warm me up. 

The cold was utter agony. I couldn’t remember feeling this much pain, besides when James had caught up to me. I flinched at the memory, but it was lost in the rest of my shaking, so thankfully Edward didn’t see. I pushed it roughly from my mind. That was the last thing I needed to think about right now as my body shook and cramped in agony from the cold. 

“W-w-w-what t-t-time is-s i-t-t-t?” I forced the words through numb lips, my words sounding strangely slurred as I couldn’t get my mouth to work the way I wanted it to. 

“Two,” Edward answered quietly. 

He was sitting as far from me as possible, which I for once was extremely thankful for. I couldn’t see too well in the darkness, but I could hear the worry and tension in his voice, like he was afraid to even breathe any cold air in my direction. I found myself pushing down the deep regret that I felt that he wasn’t human and warm, which I could have really used at the moment. 

“Maybe…”

“No! I’m f-f-f-f-fine,” I shook my head, though I wasn’t sure if he could tell through the violent shivers. He had tried to convince me several times to make a run for it, but I had refused every time. I was terrified of leaving the tent, feeling the cruel bite of the wind on my vulnerable skin. 

It would also waste all of the efforts we’d made that afternoon. Would we even have time to reset ourselves when the storm was over? What if it never ended? Hopefully I could just shiver my way through one night and be fine.

Right?

“What can I do?” he almost begged.

Out in the snow, Jacob whined unhappily. 

“Y-y-y-you sh-ould g-g-g-go, J-J-Jacob,” I ordered again, worried that Jacob was in as much pain as I was. Would his werewolf body temperature be enough to protect him? 

“He’s only worried about you,” Edward translated. “He’s fine,  _ his _ body is equipped to deal with this, but yours is not.”

I tried to say something else but my jaw was locked suddenly as another cramp of shivers curled my body into itself. I bit back a whimper, but some sound must have gotten through because Jacob whined, a high-pitched sound of grating complaint. 

“What do you want me to do?” Edward snapped, too anxious to bother with being polite anymore. “Carry her through  _ that? _ She’ll freeze before we ever get near Forks. I don’t see you making yourself useful, either. Why don’t you go fetch us a space heater or something,” Edward sneered, and if I could have I would have scowled at him. There was no reason for him to be so mean to Jacob. 

“St-t-t-op it,” I barely managed to get out. “I’m ok-k-k-ay.” 

Edward’s stony silence and the muted growl that came from outside let me know just how much they both believed me. I shuddered violently, trying to wiggle my numb toes to force some warmth into them, but I couldn’t. Ah, hell. This sucked.

A sudden howl ripped through the air, and I jumped violently, my heart crashing inside of my chest as I feared the worst in that instance. Was Jacob alright?

“That was hardly necessary,” Edward muttered sourly. “And that’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” he called more loudly.

“Better than anything you’ve come up with, bloodsucker,” Jacob answered, his human voice startling me as the zipper at the tent door opened and he stepped inside quickly before closing it up. “ _ Go fetch a space heater. _ Please, I’m not a fucking St. Bernard,” he spat disdainfully. The sudden blast of frigid air had me shuddering like a leaf, and I couldn’t speak for a few moments to tell them both to shut up. 

“I don’t like this,” Edward hissed as Jacob shook the snow out of his hair. “Just give her the coat and get out.”

“Not on your un-life, leech,” Jacob laughed, dropping the parka on the floor that had been hanging on the tree outside the tent. “The parka is for tomorrow. It’s frozen right now, there’s no way she could warm it up herself. You asked for a space heater, though. So, here I am,” he said smugly, spreading his arms as wide as the tent allowed. He was bare-chested, only wearing a pair of low-slung sweatpants that accentuated the curve of the muscles on his abdomen. I forced my eyes back up to his face, feeling confused and off-balance. 

“J-J-J-Jake y-y-y-you’ll f-f-f-freez-z-e,” I protested, though at the thought of being near Jacob’s overly warm body right now seemed like heaven compared to the painful shivers cramping through me. 

“Not me,” he said cheerfully. “I run at a toasty one oh eight point nine these days, baby. I’ll have you sweating in no time,” he shot me a saucy wink, and I was supremely thankful that I was so frozen that there was no chance of a blush stealing over my cheeks at his suggestive words. What the hell was he doing?

Edward snarled but Jacob didn’t even look at him. Instead, he crawled to my side and started to unzip my sleeping bag.

Edward’ hand flashed forward and gripped his wrist, his snow-white flesh looking eerie and unnatural next to Jacob’s deep russet skin. A dark, primal, rumbling growl rolled out of Jacob’s chest like thunder as his lip pulled back to flash a canine at Edward. He recoiled from the touch, his nostrils flaring as the growl dropped to an even deeper timbre, sending a different type of shiver up my spine. It was pure alpha male fury, and it meant death.

“Get your fucking hand off me,” Jacob’s voice was suddenly deep and guttural, as if the wolf was closer to the skin than normal. My eyes went wide and I shivered again. I saw his arms trembling as he fought to maintain control.

“Keep your hands off her,” Edward growled back. I wanted to howl in misery; Jacob’s forearm that was so close to my face was so hot I could feel the warmth of it beating against my skin. Unable to control the impulse, I leaned forward and pressed my frozen cheek and nose to his hot skin, and couldn’t help letting out a whimper.

“Is that answer enough for you?” Jacob snapped, breaking Edward’s hold on him easily. Jacob stroked my cheek with his other hand and I gasped, my eyes fluttering closed in bliss. I was unable even to feel sorry for Edward as he looked on in incredulous horror. I was too cold, too desperate to be warm again. Jacob’s hand felt like a heated wash of sunlight on a bright summer day. It sunk into my skin, the sensation almost ecstatic after the long painful hours of biting, cruel cold.

At that moment another violent tremor rocked through me, my teeth chattering together so hard I was surprised they didn’t shatter. 

“I’m sure she’ll thank you when her toes turn black and fall off,” Jacob bit out irritably, his thumb ghosting over my cheekbone, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

Edward hesitated, looking torn and agonized, before he finally slid back to his position in the far corner, defeated. 

“Watch yourself,” he said, his voice flat and frighteningly dark. 

Jacob chuckled, all male arrogance and disdain.

“Scooch over, Bella,” Jacob said, and began unzipping my sleeping bag. The full implication of his words hit me and I shot a wary glance at Edward, realizing how awkward this had the potential to be. 

“J-J-J-Jake…” I started to protest, but he cut me off.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Bella. You’re a second away from frostbite. I’m not going to sit here and let you freeze to death if I can help you,” he said sternly, raising an eyebrow as he pressed his palm against my cheek, daring me to defy him. I bit back another moan, but I knew he saw in my eyes what I refused to admit. How desperately I needed him.

He didn’t offer me another chance to protest. He squeezed his way into the little space left in the sleeping bag, before zipping himself in. He curled his arms around me, pulling me close and I was lost to all reason. My whole body trembled as his heat surrounded me, soaking into my skin. It was irresistible, like air after being underwater for too long. A bomb could have gone off and I wouldn’t have been able to tear myself away from him. 

He cringed as I pressed my icy fingers against his skin.

“Jesus, Bella. You’re freezing, honey,” he complained, nuzzling his cheek against my forehead. Another violent tremor shook through me as my body seemed to double its efforts to warm back up now that there was an external source to help it. 

“S-s-s-s-sorry,” I mumbled, pressing my nose into his neck, desperate to get some feeling back into my face. 

“Try to relax, sweetheart. I’ve got you,” he said gently, rubbing his cheek back and forth on my forehead almost absentmindedly. “You’ll warm up in a few minutes. Of course, it  _ would _ go faster if we weren’t wearing anything…” he whispered teasingly, his voice dropping an octave. A jolt ran through me at his words, and I was glad my face was hidden from view as I worked through whatever the hell had happened in me when he’d said that. 

Edward growled sharply.

“What? It’s a fact. Survival one-oh-one,” Jacob defended himself, arrogant and unrepentant. 

“J-J-J-Jake st-t-t-t-op it-t-t,” I tried to reprimand, even as I pressed myself closer, wishing his heat would move quicker through the layers of my clothing.

“The down of your jacket is preventing me from warming you properly,” Jacob pointed out smugly as if reading my thoughts, and I winced as everything inside of me screamed to listen to him, but I worried for Edward’s sanity.

“N-n-no b-b-b-body n-n-needs all t-t-ten t-t-t-toes,” I threatened, letting my nails prick his shoulders in retaliation. 

“Don’t worry about the bloodsucker, he’s just jealous,” Jacob whispered, running his nose along the outer curve of my ear. I told myself the shiver that ran through me was just because I was freezing. 

“Of course I am.” Edward’s voice was velvet again, though I could hear the strain in it as he fought for control. “You don’t even have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you’re doing for her.” 

“There’s a lot I can do for her that you can’t,” Jacob said haughtily, his fingers moving between us and pulling down my jacket zipper in one move.

“J-J-J-...!” I started to say, but his arms curled tighter around me before I could stop him, pressing me to his chest without the barrier of the coat and I couldn’t help the choked cry that tore from my throat. I couldn’t have moved away from him in that moment if I tried. I all but tried to crawl into him as the full brunt of his heat washed into me, and my shudders slowly began to still. 

“Be very careful,  _ dog _ . I’m riding a thin edge of my patience,” Edward snarled.

“At least you know she wishes it were you,” Jacob said sourly, and I felt my heart jump guiltily at his words.

“True,” Edward agreed. 

All at once the shudders seemed to relax, and my muscles finally uncramped. I sighed a tired hum of pleasure as I felt myself sinking further into Jacob’s warmth, my whole body draped almost lazily against his. He was so large, I felt so delicate and…

_ Whoa _ . I reigned in that thought train before it ran clear off the tracks. _What the hell?_

“There, feel better honey?” Jacob practically crooned in my ear, and I sighed again.

“Yeah,” I said quietly, chewing on the inside of my cheek. 

“Your lips are still a little blue, want me to warm those up for you?” Jacob asked, his voice pitched suggestively, and I hated the jolt that stabbed through me again at his words. 

“Behave yourself,” I muttered, feeling wildly off-balance. I’d hugged Jacob before, but for some reason this felt different. Maybe because the contact was sustained, but I found myself beginning to feel a little restless in a way I didn’t understand. 

The storm howled outside like a rabid animal, but it was now a distant thought. Jacob was out of the cold, and now so was I, so I counted myself satisfied. Plus, I was beginning to feel too exhausted to truly be worried about anything. 

I wiggled a little, kicking my boots and socks off before pressing my icy toes against his legs. He jumped slightly, before laughing and hugging me closer, rubbing his cheek on my hair. I noticed suddenly that I was taking long, deep breaths, breathing in the scent of Jacob’s skin. It was woodsy, somehow sweet and spiced all at once. It made my mind feel muddled, almost like it, too was warming me from the inside out. I thought how how well Jacob fit the setting of the woods out here, how he seemed to blend in, wolf and man, into his surroundings, like he truly belonged. A thought occurred to me suddenly, and I realized my fingers were brushing up and down his shoulder with absentminded gentleness. 

“Jake?” I mumbled sleepily against his collar bone, my words a little muffled. I could feel fatigue beginning to steal over me as I was finally warm enough to feel tired. “Can I ask you something? I’m not trying to be a jerk or anything… I’m honestly curious,” I grinned, using the same words he’d used for me in my kitchen a lifetime ago. 

“Sure,” he chuckled, understanding the inside joke. 

“Why are you so much fluffier than your packmates? You don’t have to answer if you don't wanna, I was just wondering…” 

“Because my hair is longer,” he said, and I could hear the amused smile in his voice. I felt grateful that my question hadn’t offended him. He captured my hand and pulled it up to the silky black strands that were grown out shaggily, almost to his chin. I ran my fingers through it, admiring the texture.

“Oh!” I giggled, a little miffed at how obvious the answer had been. I guess that’s why they’d all cropped their hair in the beginning. It hurt my heart to know that they had to sacrifice something that was so important to them just for a little more comfort. “Then why don’t you cut it, isn’t it annoying if it’s long?” 

He didn’t answer right away, and I heard Edward snicker under his breath. I frowned at the meanness of the sound, worried that I’d hurt Jacob’s feelings. 

“Sorry…” I murmured, briefly cut off by a yawn. “I didn’t mean to pry, you don’t have to tell me.”

Jacob made an annoyed sound that almost sounded like a growl in the back of his throat. 

“Oh, he’ll tell you anyways so I might as well. I grew it out because… you seemed to like it better long,” he admitted, and I could feel the slight tension in his muscles as if he were embarrassed. 

A blush stole across my cheeks then, and I bit my lip. My heart squeezed, touched by the sweetness and selflessness of the gesture, and I felt a wave of warmth bubble up in my chest. 

“Jake… that’s so sweet,” I said with a small smile, carding my fingers through his hair again. “I don’t want you to be inconvenienced, though,” I pouted, worrying that his desire to please me was a source of annoyance for him. 

He shrugged, clearing his throat self-consciously. “Turns out it was a very convenient time to have a little extra fluff tonight. Don’t worry about it.” 

I hummed in approval, burrowing further against him even though I was as close as I could get already. As the silence lengthened I could feel my eyelids droop and my limbs grow heavy. Jacob’s warmth was steady, surrounding me like a pool of sunlight that I drifted off in, feeling warm and content. 

“That’s right, love, go to sleep,” Jacob murmured, stroking my hair gently, and I smiled into his skin, unable to suppress the happiness that welled up within my chest.  _ My own personal sun _ .

“Seth is here,” Edward’s whisper edged into my awareness as I sank into half-unconsciousness. I wondered if that was the point of the howling. 

“Perfect, now you can go keep an eye on everything else while I take care of your girlfriend,” Jacob muttered.

Edward didn’t answer, but I grumbled in protest, frowning. Jacob chuckled quietly, pressing a kiss to my hair. 

“Sorry.”

It was quiet, then. At least, it was inside. The wind continued to shriek through the trees, the walls of the tent shuddering loudly, making it difficult to complete the final drop into sleep as the noise kept dragging me back from the edge of unconsciousness just as I was finally drifting off. I wondered vaguely if Seth was okay. I wanted to open my mouth to ask but my muscles felt too heavy to do anything but breathe in Jacob’s intoxicating scent.

My mind wandered, drifting back to days spent in the Taj while Jacob tinkered with the bikes, or the Rabbit. I felt the edges of my lips turn up at the thought, realizing that Jacob’s scent had been there, too, I’d just been too distracted at the time to really appreciate it. He had been the warm sun to guide me through the darkness, and now here he was warming me again, keeping me safe from the cold and the dark. 

_ Home _ . The thought drifted around my mind, the word echoing on it self. Jacob felt like home. 

“ _ Please! _ ” Edward hissed suddenly. “Do you  _ mind? _ ”

“What?” Jacob grumbled, his tone surprised though there was an edge of defensiveness.

“Do you think you could at least  _ attempt _ to control your thoughts?” Edward’s whisper was low and furious. 

“No one said you had to listen,” Jacob shot back arrogantly, even as his fingers flexed where they were resting on my hip. “Get out of my head.”

“Don’t you think I wish I could? Your little fantasies are practically shouting at me.”

“I’ll try to keep it down,” Jacob said tauntingly, and a low, almost feline growl ripped from Edward’s throat. 

“ _ Don’t. _ ”

“Alright, alright,” Jacob laughed quietly, shaking his head.

There was a brief moment of silence.

“Yes, I’m jealous of that, too,” Edward snapped, sounding miserable. 

“I figured. Sort of evens up the playing field, no?” Jacob whispered smugly. 

Edward’s answering laugh was dark. “In your dreams.”

“You know, she can still change her mind," Jacob said haughtily, his fingers ghosting over the strip of skin exposed on my lower back. “Considering  _ all _ the things I can do with her,  _ to _ her that you can’t. At least, not without killing her, that is.”

“Go to sleep, Jacob,” Edward growled softly. “You’re straying dangerously close to my last nerve.”

“Hmm... I think I will, I’m really quite comfortable.” I could hear the grin in his voice, and a part of my brain realized that in our shuffling and movement while I tried to get warm, I’d ended up almost straddling him.

Oh. Oh,  _ no _ .

As soon as the thought was born in my mind I couldn’t reign it back in. Heat slammed through me, and I fought the automatic tensing of my muscles as my mind gluttonously followed through with the thought.

_ Edward! Think of Edward! _ I thought desperately, but nothing could change the fact that Jacob’s hot skin was pressed against me, and my legs were all but wrapped around his hips. 

Ah, hell. 

I felt like everything was unraveling all of the sudden, all my preconceived notions, my beliefs, my resolutions were shattering as one undeniable, unfathomable thought filled my mind before I could suppress it. 

I liked it. 

I liked Jacob’s warmth. I liked laying against him, feeling him close to me. 

I liked  Jacob .

I  _ loved _ Jacob.

I felt the blood rush into my face at that sudden, earth-shattering realization, and I fought to keep my breathing even, though my heartbeat was pounding a little heavier in my chest. I fervently hoped they wrote it off as me dreaming something.

“Maybe I would,” Edward said, answering a question I hadn’t heard after a long, quiet pause.

“But would you be honest?”

“You can always ask and see.” Edward’s tone made me feel like I was missing out on some sort of joke. 

“Well you can see inside my head, it’s only fair,” Jacob said, his arms tightening on me reflexively.

“Alright, shoot.”

“If you’re so sure of yourself and her, why are you so jealous?” Jacob asked bluntly. The conversation had taken on a dreamlike quality for me, and I wondered if I was still awake, or if I was imagining all of this. Surely that was the only reason I was feeling what I was right now. 

Right? 

“Because... I can see you two together, and deep down I know it’s probably what’s actually best for her,” Edward bit out after a moment, sounding tortured at this admission, and I felt a frisson of surprise run through me at his words. “I never wanted this life for her, I don’t want to take away her humanity. I should have…” he trailed off, his voice ragged with pain. 

“Damn,” Jacob blew out a breath, seeming shocked. “That’s… wow. I mean, you’re right, you know... I  _ am _ better for her,” he said, but his voice was softer, more compassionate now, taking the bite out of his words. 

“Maybe,” Edward whispered.

Jacob was quiet for a moment, seeming to mull through his thoughts. 

“I’ve thought of that, too,” Edward sighed, sounding frustrated. “I should have never left, or come back, or I should have left in the beginning. There’s a million things I _should_ have done but didn’t. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t have been better, had Alice never seen Bella jump off the cliff, if I had come back to check for myself before rushing off to Italy…”

“She would have healed. She would have eventually gotten better,” Jacob said, his tone so self-assured that Edward could only sigh.

“I don’t suppose we’ll ever know for certain, but… I do suspect you’re right.”

They were both silent for a moment.

“Yes, I do suspect that she does think about you often,” Edward murmured in response to Jacob’s thoughts. “More often than I like, I think. She worries that you’re unhappy, not that you don’t already know that. Not that you don’t  _ use _ that,” he accused, and Jacob shrugged nonchalantly.

“You already have a gigantic leg up on me. I gotta use what I’ve got. I don’t have the advantage of her knowing that she’s in love with me,” Jacob said sourly, and I felt my heart twinge in my chest as my realization from earlier crashed back down on me.

_ Not anymore _ , I thought wretchedly.

“That does help,” Edward said in a mild tone.

“She’s in love with me, too, you know,” Jacob muttered defiantly. 

Edward didn’t answer.

“Does that bother you?” Jacob asked suddenly. “Do you wish you could hear what she’s thinking, too?”

“Yes… and no, again. She likes it better this way, and… I think for my own peace of mind it would be better _not_ to hear everything going through her head. Even though it drives me insane at the same time. I’d rather she were happy.”

Guilt surged through me as I remembered all the things I’d thought about in the last hour that I was fervently glad he couldn’t hear.

The wind shrieked around the tent, shaking it violently. Jacob’s arms tightened around me protectively, his hand pressing into my lower back. I suppressed a hum of pleasure at the feeling. I felt so warm and protected in his arms. So safe.

“Thank you,” Edward whispered. “Odd as it may sound, I suppose that I’m glad you’re here, that you can help her this way.”

“You mean, ‘as much as I would like to kill you I’m glad you can keep Bella from freezing to death?’”

Edward huffed a sardonic laugh. “An uneasy truce, isn’t it?”

Jacob’s whisper was smug, then. “I knew you were just as insanely jealous as I am.”

“Yes, but I don’t wear it on my sleeve like you do just to torture her. It doesn’t really help your case, guilt tripping her constantly,” Edward admonished, but Jacob just snorted. 

“So I’m not a zillion years old with unending patience. Sue me.”

“A hundred,” Edward corrected, and I could practically hear Jacob’s eyes roll. 

“Sure, sure. So, what changed then? You went from barring her from seeing me to encouraging it,” Jacob asked suspiciously.

“It changed when I saw how much I was hurting her, keeping her from you. I can ignore the more… uncivilized feelings I have towards you, sometimes. It’s not usually so difficult, but, tonight…” he cut off, suddenly, as if gritting his teeth.

“I think you were just worried if you forced her to choose between us she wouldn’t end up choosing you.”

Edward was silent for a long moment. “That was a small part of it,” he finally admitted. “I was also worried that I was only having the opposite effect, that the harder I tried to keep her from you, the faster I was chasing her into your arms. Bella isn’t the type to be told what to do,” he gave a wry laugh. 

“No, she’s not,” Jacob said, a thread of pride colouring his voice. “I wish I could tell her all this, but she’d never believe me,” he sighed, then.

“I know,” Edward said, sounding almost smug. 

“You think you know everything,” Jacob muttered.

“I don’t know the future…” Edward said, his voice suddenly unsure, vulnerable. 

There was a long pause, and I could feel Jacob’s fingertips gently stroking my skin, causing little tendrils of heat to curl through me. 

“What would you do if she changed her mind?” Jacob wondered aloud.

“I don’t know that, either.” 

Jacob chuckled quietly, the sound not altogether friendly. “Would you try to kill me?”

“No.” Edward’s answer was firm, absolute.

“Why?” Jacob sounded surprised. 

“I could never hurt her like that. If I killed you… it would destroy her. She would never forgive me, never get over it. It would poison us forever.” 

Jacob seemed to hesitate, as if suddenly thrown for a loop.

“Damn, you’re right,” he sighed bitterly. “I didn’t think about it that way, but you’re right. Though, my instincts…” 

“They beg to differ,” Edward said dryly, and Jacob turned his head to muffle his laughter in the sleeping bag.

“Exactly.”

What a strange dream, I mused to myself, listening to the wind screaming around the tent. Maybe that was the reason I was imagining the whispered conversation. 

Jacob was silent for a long moment, seeming to mull over a few things. 

He spoke suddenly, heatedly, all of his words trying to rush out at once. “I hate to sound like I’m begging, Edward, but she’s only eighteen. There’s so much more growing up both she and I have to do. It’s not a rational choice. You can’t possibly offer her this without her truly knowing what she’s going to lose. She’s too young to understand it. Rebecca tells me all the time, you don’t even truly know who you are until you’re like, twenty five and have lived in the real world for a while. We… we could have a life together... have  _ kids _ together. She wouldn’t have to leave Charlie and Renee behind. If you do this to her she will never know what it’s like to go out for her twenty first birthday, to make friends in college, to start a successful career, be a wife… a mom...”

“She could be a wife,” Edward argued, but his velvet voice was rough with pain.

“Not a  _ real _ one. A  _ human _ one. I guess I know you all well enough to realize you’re not just reanimated corpses or whatever, but… you kind of  _ are _ , you know?” I could practically hear Jacob’s grimace in his words. “Bella doesn’t deserve to have that choice- her  _ life _ \- taken from her when she’s still a child, when she can’t even comprehend what she’s going to lose! She’s too young,” Jacob insisted, his voice hardening.

“Don’t you think I know all of this?” Edward hissed sharply. “Don’t you think I haven’t contemplated all of that every single day of my existence? That choice was taken from  _ me _ at seventeen, though the alternative was death. I’m glad Carlisle saved me from dying, but… I was never able to grow up, to fight in the war like I’d dreamed, to be a husband… a father…” Edward’s tortured, velvet voice seemed as if it was about to crack. “I wouldn’t have anyways, I was too far gone from the influenza, but that doesn’t change the fact that I dreamed of having those things, that I  _ wanted _ those things.” 

“And you would still take all that from her?” Jacob asked incredulously, sounding disgusted.

“I _tried_ to leave,” Edward insisted, his voice ragged. “I tried… but she wasn’t happy, and I’ll never be able to make up for what I did to her when I left. I like to think that if I’d come back and she was reasonably happy that I could have left again, but…” 

“She was almost there. If you had just given me a few more months, a year or two… she wasn’t going to get over the breakup overnight. You barely gave me any time to fix her,” Jacob said, the anger and frustration sharpening his voice. “She was already making progress in the few months I was with her. She was smiling, laughing again. She loved the pack, loved hanging out with us. We're her second family, or were quickly becoming it, and you had to go and ruin it.”

“I can see it from your perspective, Jacob, believe me. More than I want to, I can see it from your eyes, and maybe you’re right. Maybe I should have stayed away, seen how it unfolded, but… it’s done and past now. Neither of us can go back and change it. I don’t think I can force myself from her unless she ordered me away, now,” he said sadly. 

“I don’t care how much you love her. It will still be killing her,” Jacob said, his voice hard, unforgiving. “You’d still be destroying everything that makes her unique, makes her special, makes her  _ Bella _ .”

“Leaving very nearly killed us both,” Edward sighed, sounding defeated. “She has a… a fear of getting older. I’ll be lucky to stretch this out a few months, let alone  _ years _ . What other option do I have? I lost the argument. She doesn’t want to spend her life human with me, it would be difficult for her, being with someone who couldn’t be human with her while she grew older.”

“I don’t think you should give up on the leaving option, yet.” Jacob insisted. “Last time it was hard for her, yes, but I think she would eventually be okay, after some time. If you’d waited even six more months before you came back, I bet you would have seen her really happy. I had a whole game plan.”

Edward chuckled. “A very well thought out game plan, I’ll give you that. Maybe it would have worked.”

“It  _ would _ have. Give me a year, Edward,” Jacob spoke faster now, sounding eager. “I really, genuinely think I could make her happy. She’s stubborn, believe me, but she _is_ capable of healing regardless of what she thinks. She was putting the pieces back together. She can grow up and become the person she’s meant to be. You  _ have _ to love her enough to see the advantages of that plan, to give her a chance to change her mind. She thinks you’re unselfish, but are you really?”

“We’ve been over this, Jacob. On some level yes, you would be better for her than me. You’re strong enough to take care of her, to protect her from herself, but… it’s too late,” Edward said, sounding frustrated. 

“Her heart is still beating. Until it stops, it will never be too late,” Jacob snapped, his voice full of resentment. 

Edward sighed heavily, silent for a beat. “I know. And I can hardly blame you for your conviction. You truly believe in what you’re saying.”

“Because I’m  _ right _ .”

“I’m not stupid enough to force her into that choice again, Jacob. I won’t make the same mistake, I won’t hurt her like that again. As long as she wants me, I’m here,” Edward said, his voice hard, unyielding. 

“Then you’re signing her death warrant.”

“And that is why we will never see eye to eye, Jacob. That is why we’ll never get anywhere, arguing back and forth, because our individual stances can never come to a compromise. It’s a moot point.” 

“It’s her  _ life! _ ” Jacob hissed, almost possessively. It felt a like a fresh wave of heat washed over me, borne from his anger. “We’re just kids! She doesn’t understand it, it’s not a fully informed choice. I read about that shit in health class. No one in their right mind would want to become like you.” 

Edward laughed bitterly. “I’m sure she would beg to differ, and I can’t even argue with you. This isn’t the life I would have chosen for myself.” 

“Ugh! You’re just… you are  _ so _ fucking close to the point of all this, it’s driving me insane. If you hate being a vampire so much then how can you even offer it to her? It’s selfish and evil and you know it,” Jacob practically snarled, and I couldn’t help starting at the dangerous growl rumbling deep in his chest.

“Stop it, you’re waking her up,” Edward hissed, and Jacob took a few deep breaths, throttling the growl and bringing his heart rate back down. I could hear it where it was thundering beneath my ear, driven by his anger. I relaxed with him, feeling the heaviness of sleep pulling at the edges of my unconsciousness more firmly now. 

After a few long moments, Jacob sighed. 

“And if I can convince her to choose me? What then?”

“Then I let her go.” 

A short, disbelieving laugh. “Just like that?”

“I would never show her how hard it would be for me, but… yes. Though, believe me, I would keep watch. Like Sam and Emily… if you ever left her, you wouldn’t have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for my chance.”

“That won’t happen,” Jacob whispered arrogantly, his arms tightening around me possessively.  “My wolf has claimed her.” 

“No, it hasn’t, Jacob,” Edward insisted, but there was an odd edge in his voice. Fear?

“Just because it’s not the same as the others doesn’t mean it’s not true,” Jacob said stubbornly, and I felt something warm touch the area behind my ear, his nose I realized as he took a deep breath in. 

A quiet rumble came from his chest, a contented sound, as if doing so had calmed something inside of him. 

“Well, you’ve been more honest than I ever expected you to be, so thank you," he finally said after a few moments.

“As I said, I’m oddly grateful that she has you in her life, at least for tonight. You know, Jacob… if it weren’t for the fact that we’re natural enemies, and you’re trying to steal my only reason for living, I could find myself liking you as a friend,” Edward gave a wry laugh.

“Hah. If you weren’t a bloodsucking monster planning to kill the girl who’s my soulmate… well, not even then,” Jacob laughed, but there was no real poison in his words. 

Edward chuckled quietly. 

“So when does this little truce end, then?” Jacob asked. “First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?”

There was a pause as they both considered.

“First light,” they both muttered together, then laughed quietly. 

“Sleep well, Jacob. Enjoy the moment while it lasts,” Edward sighed quietly, and I slipped deeper, feeling the heavy weight of a deeper sleep pressing down on me. 

It was finally quiet for a few moments, the wind settling down as if it had decided not to try to kill us after all. I felt Jacob’s hands stroke gently down my sides, skirting close to my hips before returning back up. I was floored by the rush of heat that moved through me again, curling slow and luxuriously in my lower abdomen.

“Ugh, I don’t mean quite so literally,” Edward hissed.

“Sorry,” Jacob laughed in a whisper. “You could leave, you know, to give us some privacy.”

“Would you like me to  _ help _ you sleep, Jacob?” Edward threatened.

“You could try,” Jacob snorted. “It would be interesting to see who would walk away, though,” he mused. 

“Don’t tempt me, wolf. My patience isn’t  _ that _ perfect.”

“I’d rather not move just now, if you don’t mind,” Jacob said smugly, ghosting a kiss over my temple, a sweet brand of fire.

I felt myself slipping further, and I succumbed to the heavy, dark curtain of unconsciousness, my last thoughts of warmth, and the soft feel of lips on my cheek.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here we go kiddo's. buckle up.

In my new dream, I was _warm_.

So warm, I was toasty and completely relaxed all over. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so warm. Even through all the years I’d lived in Phoenix it had never pierced straight through me to my soul like this. It was so hot, in fact, that I could feel a light bead of sweat trail down my neck.

I hummed contentedly, feeling a frisson of pleasure curl through me as I shifted, luxuriating in the heat I was pressed against. My thighs clenched, a soft gasp leaving my lips as another stab of pleasure came from an aching spot between my legs. It wasn’t painful, or over-powering, but it was insistent. Demanding. My hips arched forward again, searching out that feeling. Just once more, that was all I needed, I assured myself. Just one more time.

 _Oh_ , that was good. Really good. I ground against the hard, male body I realized I was practically wrapped around that was the source of the heat in my dream, unable to care about anything except how good it felt to be here, to be feeling this. 

I let myself touch. After all, this was _my_ dream. I could touch if I wanted, explore if I wanted. No one would ever know if I decided to give into the desires whispering insistently in my mind. Besides, it was so much better than my usual dreams; the ones where I stumbled around, lost in the misty, too-green woods, crying out for help, or even worse, the ones where I ran from Victoria.

I smoothed my hand over what felt like a large bicep, a shoulder, testing the strong muscles underneath silky, hot flesh. I let my nails scrape down over the skin, enjoying the ripple of response in the muscles underneath. 

Beneath my lips more warmth beckoned. The taste of salty, male flesh met my tongue as I laved it over a hard pectoral muscle. A response rippled there as well, and I liked it. I felt powerful, suddenly. Sensual. Like a woman. I’d never had occasion to feel this way, the freedom to explore that side of myself, let it loose. I felt like I’d always been held back, kept reigned in, too shy to take what I wanted. Chaste. This dream was anything but that, and it was so much better than I could have ever imagined. That part of me unfurled, awakened with a slow, languorous stretch, its interest piqued. 

I smirked to myself. I guess this _was_ one of my wildest dreams.

I thought that perhaps I heard a groan, or a growl, but I filed it away to think about later. I nipped the flesh just to be contrary. No complaining allowed in my perfect, wonderful dream, I decided.

Another growl, a sound of rough pleasure as warm arms tightened around me, and something hard twitched between my thighs, bringing my attention back to the wonderful ache centered over that hard projection pressed against my sex.

Even as confident as I was in my dream world, I still blushed at the feeling, my nails scraping down his skin again as I rolled my hips experimentally, pressing my aching center against the hardness, almost gasping at the sensation. My dream lover gripped my shoulders, as if to hold me away from him but I nipped him again in retaliation for being so damned inconsiderate. 

My dream. No complaining. No stopping me from touching.

I licked over the little bite I had left on his pectoral, moaning at the taste. God, had I ever tasted anything as good? Like a midnight storm, slightly spiced and yet sweet, like autumn. I wanted to taste all over him. Maybe his lips would taste just as good. Maybe the hardness between his legs would taste even better, a wicked part of my mind whispered, and I felt a nervous excitement grow inside of me at the forbiddenness of the thought. 

I wanted to, I realized in a rush. With every fiber of my being. I was inexperienced as of yet, but something inside of me desperately wanted to curl my tongue over a hot, hard erection to get more of that spiced taste, to bring him to pleasure, have him helpless beneath my touch. I felt a drip of wetness leak from my core at the thought, and I ground my hips forward again, whimpering in pleasure, in want. I wanted him so much I felt like I was burning with it. 

A distant corner of my mind was warning me to beware. This dream was oddly intense, too rich with sensation. I ignored it. I didn’t want to wake up yet, to face fears I couldn’t handle.

My hands petted his arms, trailing down to his waist, and hips. The skin was surprisingly soft, almost like there was a fine, invisible pelt of ultra-soft hair that covered him. It made me want to rub all over him, to feel it against my bare skin, my breasts. He was so hard all over, but like silk over steel. It was intriguing. Not as hard, though, as… something? 

_Hmm, oh well_ , I thought vaguely, not worried in the slightest that I couldn’t remember what it reminded me of. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be as good as this, because this was heaven on earth. Ecstasy. 

I heard a muttered curse somewhere above me as his hands moved to my hips, tightening, holding me to him. I smiled in smug victory, raking my teeth against the hard muscle of his pec again, basking in the pleasure of it. His voice was husky, rumbling, and primal. I liked it. I wanted to hear more of it.

Later.

First, I wanted a kiss. I had never been really kissed, deeply, fully kissed, and what better time or place for it in this hot, tempting dream? I wanted it with an urgency that would have normally embarrassed me, but there was no room for shame or shyness here. Only want.

This was my dream, after all. I could do whatever I wanted.

“Kiss me,” I breathed, tilting my chin up, my fingers still stroking his skin. 

“Bella?” a tortured groan answered me, the tone wary, full of denial. I frowned. I didn’t want arguments, I wanted a kiss.

“Kiss me!” I ordered again, my lips searching.

“Bella, fuck! Wake up…” a throttled snarl came from somewhere, then something crashed loudly nearby, and I woke with a start, my lips a hairsbreadth from Jacob’s.

“ _Oh!_ ” I shrieked, my entire body trying to jerk away but the sleeping bag held me tight to him. My face flamed as I realized the compromising position I was trapped in, Jacob’s hardness notched tightly between my thighs, even as I tried to struggle away.

“Bella, Bella, stop…” Jacob groaned, his cheeks stained red beneath the dark russet skin, his eyes wide, desperate, almost wild. He was breathing hard, his jaw clenched as he tried to hold me still. My desperate movements were working against me, though. With each flailing struggle I made to get away I was grinding down harder against him, and he groaned, his head falling back as his fingers gripped my hips tightly. A vein stood out on his forehead as his breath came in sharp, rough pants.

“I have to…” My head whipped around, tears pricking at my eyes even as my body screamed in protest at the idea of leaving Jacob’s warmth and going out into the cold, frigid air. Where was Edward? Had he heard? Had he _seen_ …? Horror flooded through me at the implications of my dream world transgressions.

“ _Bella_ . You have. To stop. _Moving_ ,” Jacob gritted out between his teeth, his voice a tortured, guttural growl. My wide eyes flew back to him as I felt his fingers flex hard on my hips, as if they couldn’t decide between pushing me away and pulling me closer.

“J… Jake… I’m, I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have… I…” I stammered, my hands pressed into his chest as I froze. Something in his sharp gaze made me realize that we were tilting on a knife’s edge, and if I didn’t make my next move carefully there could be consequences. 

“Bella. You have to unzip the bag, and get out of here,” Jacob practically snarled, his dark eyes full of brilliant fire. The hard angles of his face were tight with lust, his teeth bared as he appeared to be battling with himself. 

“Uh…” I said brilliantly, another sharp ache of need pulsing through me, centering on my clit as Jacob’s hands pressed downward ever so slightly, pulling me harder against him. I couldn’t help the soft moan that spilled from my lips.

“ _Fuck_ , Bella. _Now_. Or I…” his words cut off, his eyes screwing shut as he took a few deep, shuddering breaths. His hands were trembling with the effort he seemed to be exerting.

My fingers fumbled for the sleeping bag zipper, my grip damp from the sweat caused by being pressed against Jacob all night, making me clumsier than usual. It took me three tries to pull it down far enough that I could lean away and try to roll off of Jacob. 

Try, being the operative term.

As I began to move, Jacob’s grip suddenly tightened, and a low, threatening growl tore out of his chest. The hairs on the back of my neck tingled and lifted in awareness. That was not the same deadly growl I’d heard last night.

It was a hungry one.

“Jacob?” I whispered, my breath caught in my chest as I looked down at him, my entire body frozen. It looked like there were neon flecks of amber shining in his dark eyes, now. Another, sensual growl left his chest, and a resulting rush of wetness spilled from my core as I gasped. 

“Mine,” Jacob growled, and I could hardly recognize his voice. It was dominant, complete alpha male arrogance. My mind balked from the declaration even as my body sang in pleasure at it.

“Jake… what? No, I have to--” I tried to move away again, tried to deny him, but his hand shot up, curling around the back of my neck and pulling me down until my lips were almost touching his. 

“I can smell your heat, did you know that?” he murmured, tilting his head so his nose could brush along my cheekbone. My muscles were locked tightly in shock, though a part of me was utterly captivated by the rumbling quality of his voice, the hot, insistent hardness of him between my legs. 

“What do you mean?” I gasped, my cheeks flushing at the implications of his words, and what was happening between my thighs as his hips began to roll up against me, his hand that still lay on my hip pulling me down against him as he moved. My hips stuttered against the pleasure even as my mind rebelled against it, begged me to see reason, but still I gluttonously wanted more of it. More of him. 

“I _mean_ , Bella,” his fingers threaded through my hair, tugging at it slightly to emphasize his words. I moaned at the prickling pleasure the slight pain brought me. “That I can smell how turned on you are, how hot your pussy is for me and all that sweet cream weeping out of it. I can feel it through my fucking sweatpants. I can smell your need… and it’s all for me…” he growled, his lips pressing against my jaw, down my neck, leaving a trail of fire that was stoking the one building inside of me, the flames flickering up and down my skin. My face was bright red at his wicked, explicit words, my mouth agape in disbelief. I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined Jacob saying those things to me, and it destroyed me.

“It makes me hungry," he continued. "I want to…” he groaned, his teeth scraping against my neck where it met my shoulder, anything but gentle. 

A hot punch of lust seared through me at the feel of his teeth against my skin, and I whimpered, unable to think. I was awash in pleasure, sensation, my reason rapidly abandoning me as I lost all ability to think. Distantly, I knew we shouldn’t be here, doing this. I knew, but I didn’t care anymore. I could only feel, want, _need_.

And I wanted this.

The realization struck through me just as Jacob’s teeth sunk into my neck, breaking the skin, and I screamed, the pleasure ripping through me until it detonated like a thousand little explosions. I could hear his growls, feel them. I strained into his hold, my head tilting back as the world rushed around me in a dizzying display of light that left me shuddering in the aftermath, ecstasy rolling through me without abating. I didn’t care that he’d just bit me, or that it should have hurt rather than sending me careening into a powerful release. I didn’t care about anything else but feeling it again, and again. Nothing else in the world existed but him now, his warmth surrounding me, filling me with pleasure.

I could feel his tongue lave against the mark he’d made, and it was getting hotter as he did. The heat seemed to start there, sizzling over me like electricity before spreading, sensitizing my skin, making the heat climb inside me until it was burning me. 

“Jacob?” I gasped, unable to make sense of what was happening to my body. The need was imperative, growing quickly out of control. It blazed like an inferno- hot and insistent, demanding satisfaction. Demanding Jacob. 

“ _Mine_ ,” he snarled, his fingers moving down to make quick work of the snap of my jeans, pushing them and my underclothes down even as he shifted us so he was now hovering above me, filling my whole vision. The inner muscles of my core spasmed, and I gasped, my nails digging into his shoulders as I struggled to breathe through the sharp, agonizing need. He all but tore my shirt off, I was sure I heard fabric rending as he tugged it over my head, and then I was bared to him. I couldn’t even find it in myself to care, or be self-conscious. Later, I promised myself. Later I would worry about Jacob seeing me naked for the first time ever, and the fact that I was shamelessly begging for more already after just one orgasm, caused by him biting me no less.

Yeah, I’d worry about that later, after he put out the damned fire he’d started.

“Jacob… I’m burning,” I whimpered, my head tossing on the sleeping bag as he made quick work of his sweatpants, lowering himself so that his hard body rested against mine, though he held most of his weight off of me with his forearms.

“Ask me to kiss you,” he demanded through gritted teeth, the flecks of amber seeming brighter in his eyes. He looked like a man teetering on the edge of his control. “Damn it, Bella. Ask me. My control is just about shot, baby.”

I blinked, dazed as I tried to process his request through the desperate, clawing need tearing through me.

“Please,” I gasped, unable to form a coherent thought besides _want_.

His lips were on mine in an instant, his tongue sinking inside of my mouth and the taste of him exploded across my tongue. Midnight storms and spicy, autumnal heat with a hint of sweetness. It was primal. Hot. I moaned as our lips moved together in unfamiliar ways, because I’d never been able to kiss someone like this. Because Jacob didn’t have to be careful with me.

And he sure as hell wasn’t being careful, now. 

There was nothing sweet about this kiss, or gentle. It was a hard, sensual claiming, and I lost myself in it, drawing on his tongue when I realized that’s where the taste was originating. It spilled from his tongue, spicy and addictive, heating me further as it seemed to race through my system. He growled, low and sensual in his chest, his hips jerking against mine as his hard member slid through the slick wetness gathered between my thighs, glancing against my clit, making me cry out as wicked, searing pleasure shot through me like a lightning bolt. 

Was this normal? Was it supposed to feel like this? It felt like it was too much, yet not enough all at once. 

“Jake… what’s happening to me?” I whimpered, my nails digging into his shoulders as he moved again, and my eyes closed as my mouth fell open at the pleasure coursing through me.

“Ah, fuck, Bella. I’m just loving you, honey. Just needing you,” he groaned, kissing me again once, twice. The third time he lingered again, his lips and tongue slowing, claiming my mouth with a long, languorous kiss, like he was savouring the taste of me. 

Another stab of fiery need raced through me, and I whimpered, arching my hips up in a desperate plea.

“You taste like heaven, Bella, so hot and sweet,” Jacob groaned, his lips trailing kisses down my throat to my chest, ghosting over my breasts. I gasped, arching into his touch as his warm lips closed over the tight, hard tip of my breast and drew on it, lashing it with his hot tongue. The hunger was like a living being now, clawing at the depths of my core, causing the inner walls to spasm, licking flames over the sensitized bud of my clit, torturing it. I writhed under him as the velvet roughness of his tongue rasped over my skin, heating it impossibly more.

The pleasure was exquisite to the point that it was almost painful. I cried out, drowning in sensation as a sharp arc of pleasure traveled straight from my nipple to my clit, as if they were somehow connected. My clit throbbed, the walls of my core spasming, protesting their emptiness. 

The sight of Jacob as he teased my nipple with his teeth and tongue made me feel things I had never felt before. The pleasure of it was incredible, but watching him… His almost-black eyes, now flecked with the spots of bright amber, heavily lashed, watching me as his lips drew on me, his expression ravaged with lust... It was my undoing. I felt his knee press up against the apex of my thighs, hard and insistent. My hips arched and rolled against it, searching desperately for the friction that would ease the sharp, almost painful aching in my clit demanding for his touch. 

“Don’t stop,” I practically begged as he lifted his head, leveling a dark, hooded gaze at me. He moved to the other neglected breast, and began his ministrations again. “Oh, _god!_ ” I cried out, arching into his touch as he tugged gently at it with his teeth, using his other fingers to pluck and roll the nipple he had been torturing before.

 _Wait_ , a part of my mind begged. _We can’t do this… we shouldn’t be..._

Sharp stabs of sensation shot through me as the heat seemed to climb yet another notch, my head tossing wildly as I began to beg him for more, for anything, for things I wasn’t even sure I should want. All thoughts of pulling away from this, denying it had vanished. All I knew was that I wanted him. Now. With a desperation that felt like it would burn me alive. 

“I want to taste you, Bella. I can’t even imagine how good it’ll be,” Jacob groaned, his broad, strong hands sliding to my upper thighs and spreading them. I blushed, breathing in heavily at the implication of his words.

“Jacob…” I gasped, but before I could say more his head dipped down, and he kissed me. _There_.

My back arched off the ground as Jacob’s warm lips pressed to my clit, his hot breath teasing over the damp flesh, sensitizing it even further. A heavy flush mantled his cheekbones now as I watched him, almost shivering from the need tearing through my body. 

“So sweet,” he whispered.

A weak, shattered cry left my lips as his tongue darted out, licking a long, hot stripe up from my weeping slit, gathering the moisture there to curl it around my clit, keeping his licks gentle, but firm, sending fiery tendrils of pleasure spearing through me. My head tossed as I bucked into his hold, unable to stop my movements. Then, he did something I was not prepared for at all.

He paused, trailing a finger through my wetness as he bit his lip almost thoughtfully, then all at once plunged a finger inside of me as he dipped his head down and sucked my clit into his mouth. 

I couldn’t contain my scream as I was assaulted with pleasure. Jacob’s broad, calloused finger pushed deeper inside of me, stroking my inner walls as his tongue lashed at my clit, torturing the sensitive little bud faster and faster as his finger worked inside of me, curling upwards and making me lose my mind. My walls clenched on him as my heels dug into the ground, pressing myself into him, mindless with pleasure. I needed more. I realized I was begging him, words spilling out of my lips as I felt the pleasure begin to coil low in my abdomen, and grow to a dizzying, addicting height. 

“Please… please Jacob… _yes_ , like that… yes, _yes_...” I chanted, then screamed again when another finger joined the first, his other arm curling over my hips, holding me down so I couldn’t writhe out of his grasp. I felt the sweet burn of the stretch in my previously untried, innocent walls, and I couldn’t help but moan as he flickered the pads of his fingers against a spot inside of me. He did it again, harder.

_Oh._

My orgasm shattered through me in blinding, white-hot heat, leaving me breathless as I tried to scream. It speared through me, sending me careening until I wasn’t even sure where or who I was anymore. Ecstasy grew into rapture, and I shuddered, my walls clamping down against his plunging fingers as I melted into a pool of pure pleasure and sensation. I was dimly aware of sobbing his name, begging him as I shuddered, my walls contracting rhythmically as he drew it out, his tongue flickering faster on my clit, dark, hungry growls tearing from his chest as he pushed me past the point of being able to bear the pleasure. His free hand stroked over my lower abdomen, soothing me as he finally relented, and the last of the violent shudders tore through my body.

“You taste like summer, Bella. Hot and sweet, like sunshine,” Jacob growled, and I watched him in a daze as he lifted his head, licking my taste off of his lips. Then, to my complete shock, he brought his two fingers to his mouth, and licked the cream off that had gathered there, his eyelids fluttering in pleasure. My jaw dropped. I’d never seen anything so erotic in my life. 

He leaned down to press a kiss to the flushed, sweat-dampened flesh of my hip, giving a little nip there that made me jump and squeak in surprise. He laughed, low and sultry in his throat, the sound so sexy it made me bite my lip and blush. 

He moved over me then, nudging my legs apart as he settled between them, dipping his head down to kiss me, and share the taste of my lust. It was so wicked, so naughty, but I loved it.

“Jake… I’m still burning,” I moaned into his lips as the transient relief from the first orgasm faded too quickly, only to be replaced with the flaming hunger again. The inner walls of my core clenched as he gripped the base of his cock, nudging the flared head against my entrance. My eyes widened as I finally took the time to look at it fully. How in the hell was that supposed to fit inside of me? Two of his fingers had felt like a lot...

“Fuck,” he growled, and I felt a hot burst of precum shoot out from the tip, heating and sensitizing the weeping slit of my core. Strangely, the muscles there seemed to relax ever so slightly as a result, and my jaw dropped at the sensation. 

Was that normal? I didn’t know, but I was rapidly ceasing to care.

I was panting for breath, my core shuddering, aching with a need I couldn’t process. I couldn’t understand how powerful and insistent it was, like my body was screaming for him, begging uncontrollably. I felt a sliver of fear run through me. What was happening to us? To me?

“It’s okay, Bella, don’t worry. I got you,” Jacob groaned, pressing forward so the flared tip of his cock began pushing its way inside of me and I cried out, my hips jerking towards his helplessly. “I’ll make it better, baby. I promise.”

The hunger was clawing at me now, the aching need bordering on painful as Jacob pressed forward, the amber sparks in his eyes even brighter than before. Were his canines sharper? Or was that just my imagination. My nails scraped down his arms, far from gentle. My knees gripped his hips as I shook beneath him, my hips writhing, trying desperately to press him deeper into me. It was irrational, wild, animalistic, but I needed him. It was the only thought thundering through my mind.

“Easy, honey. I’ve got you…” Jacob groaned, his hand pressing my hip down to prevent me from moving as he shuddered above me, gritting his teeth, his brow knit together in concentration. “Fuck… Bella. Please, I’m trying to go slow,” his voice was ragged with need, his muscles tight as he fought against himself, trying to hold me still.

Another burst of heated fluid erupted from the tip of his cock as it forged further inside of me, heating me even as it relaxed and slickened the inner walls of my core, making the penetration easier. I moaned wantonly as the pleasure grew to impossible heights. Jacob began thrusting shallowly, pushing in a little further each time, the heated spurts of precum coming more frequent now.

“Oh god… It’s so _good_ , Jacob… So good...” I panted, my head tossing as I felt him stretching me, burning me. I choked back a sob as the maelstrom of sensation crashed through me, as Jacob claimed a part of my soul I didn’t even know existed. 

He was thick. I felt so stretched, so completely full as he worked himself inside of me, sweat gathering on his forehead as his eyes locked with mine, his lips pulled back in a tight grimace as he moved above me, groaning with each spurt of heated precum that left his cock.

“Fuck… Bella… I’m sorry… I can’t...” he gasped, when he was buried halfway inside of me. I was trembling uncontrollably, my walls clenching around him as I arched up for more, moans almost like sobs falling from my lips. Jacob gave a shout as he finally lost control, and lunged forward, burying himself to the hilt inside of me in one hard thrust, claiming me.

A thin, broken wail tore from my throat as the pleasure-pain of the intrusion ripped through me, shattering me, remaking me anew. 

“Yes, oh _yes_. More, Jacob. More,” I cried, my hips arched up, beyond my control. I was pure instinct, lost to the sensations whipping through me now. There was no thought but having Jacob, making him mine, pulling him deeper inside of me.

“Bella… god, _fuck_ . Your pussy feels like it was made for me, honey. Feels so _fucking_ good,” Jacob cursed, pulling back only to thrust back in, hard. I wailed in pleasure as he began a hard, demanding rhythm. I could tell he was trying to pull back, trying to control his movements, but I didn’t want control. I knew it was both of our first times, I knew I should want gentle and sweet, but I was burning alive. I wanted him to burn with me, to lose control as I was losing control.

I felt over-filled by him. I couldn’t make sense of the pleasure thundering through me as he took me with hard, lunging thrusts, stretching me, pushing me to heights I had never believed existed. 

“Jacob!” I cried, my nails scrabbling at his back, desperate to hold onto something, anything to anchor me to reality, to the earth as I felt my release begin to build inside of me again, hotter and brighter than before. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t stop,” Jacob growled, his tortured gaze meeting mine even as he darted forward to claim my lips in a searing kiss. 

“I just need you, Jake… Jake… _Jake!_ ” I cried as his thrusts grew heavier, harder as we raced, chasing our pleasure. His thrusts were deep, the pleasure-pain of being stretched by him heightening the brutal ecstasy, making me lose my mind as he fucked me with a desperate hunger.

“ _Yes_.” His voice was part animal, part man. “Take it, baby. All of me. Take it.” 

His words sent shards of lust piercing through me as my orgasm hit out of nowhere, tearing me apart as it crashed and burned through me, indiscriminate. All-consuming. I was dying in his arms, melting into him, flying.

I screamed, my voice breaking as I tightened in his arms, clamping down on his thrusting cock as rapture slammed through me, branding my soul with ecstasy so sharp it was agony.

“No... Fuck, _No!_ ” I heard Jacob’s cry of fear and denial, trying to pull away as something pulsed and changed in the center of his cock, stretching me as it seemed to swell further. Further. 

The hard swelling grew, locking into a hot bundle of nerves inside of me that had me seeing stars and a second, soul-destroying orgasm detonated in me even as a distant part of my mind was shocked.

Jacob had locked inside of me.

“ _Oh god!_ _Jacob!_ ” I screamed as pleasure seared through me with every hard pulse of the knot into my inner walls as a snarl ripped out of Jacob’s chest, his release tearing through him as devastatingly as it was destroying me.

I felt so tight around him, over-stretched, even more than I was before as he groaned in defeat, unable to tug himself free. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, his teeth sinking into my shoulder as a deep, rumbling growl tore out of his chest, his hips jerking with each subsequent orgasm that tore through each of us. Each hard pulse of his seed throbbed in the hard knot, triggering contractions in my inner walls that had me screaming hoarsely in ecstasy, utterly helpless to it as it washed through me every few moments. 

The pleasure-pain of the bite mixed with the smaller, rippling orgasms that seemed to never end from the knot was almost too much to handle. I could feel tears leaking freely from the corners of my eyes as my arms wrapped tightly around Jacob, holding onto him desperately as we shook together for long minutes that seemed to stretch out endlessly. 

“I love you,” I sobbed into his shoulder, pressing a shaking kiss there as I moaned through another orgasm as the knot throbbed inside of me again, my fingernails pricking into his flesh. A surprised sound escaped Jacob’s lips as he pulled back from the bite, his lips slightly tinged with blood, but I didn’t feel squeamish at all. My gaze locked with his, feeling the love I had for him pour out of me in waves of emotion as the final barrier I had built around my heart collapsed into nothingness. My trembling fingers reached up to his cheek, brushing away a stray tear that had fallen from his eye.

“Bella,” he gasped, his face contorting in pleasured agony as the knot pulsed again, and we both gripped each other tightly, groaning in ecstasy. “I’m so sorry about this… I didn’t know… I’ve never even...” a flush of red stained his cheeks, and I hated the shame that filled his eyes.

“It’s okay, Jake,” I smiled a watery smile, brushing away another tear that fell down his cheek. “You couldn’t have known. Honestly… _ah!_ ” I cried out as another pulse of pleasure rocked through us, my toes curling. “It could have been worse,” I giggled breathlessly, and a hesitant smile pulled at his lips, some of the fear and shame leaving his eyes as a cautious hope kindled there.

“You’re not freaked out that I’m an animal?” he grimaced, his tongue rubbing over his lips as he tasted my blood, and I shook my head, my teeth clenching around a moan as another hard shudder coursed through us.

“No, Jacob. I love you,” I whispered again, willing him to believe me, and the hope that kindled in his eyes seemed to flare brighter, and light its way into my very soul.

“Oh, Bella… I love you…” he breathed, his lips pressing gently, sweetly against mine as we rode out the mind-numbing waves of pleasure together, finding solace and peace in each other’s arms.

I could have stayed there forever, surrounded by Jacob’s love, and been content.

Just then, I heard a strident howl a little ways off in the woods, and I stiffened, fear stealing away the pleasure. The swelling in Jacob’s cock slowly eased, and he was finally able to pull out of me, though we both moaned at the loss. 

Reality seemed to trickle back into my awareness bit by bit, like drops of freezing ice water dripping down my spine. I looked down at the smears of blood coating the creamy whiteness of my inner thighs, as damning as a brilliant crimson _A_ stitched to the my clothing. I shivered, the implications of what had just happened between Jacob and I hitting me with full force.

“Get dressed, honey. I think the fighting’s about to start soon,” Jacob said with a frown, pulling on his sweatpants quickly. I nodded jerkily, my mind shying away from the thoughts that were pulling at the edges of my consciousness, threatening me with the chilling consequences of my choice.

Because I _had_ made a choice. Whether I liked it or not, I had been the reason something had snapped inside of Jacob, and he and I had both lost control. I had pushed my luck too far, and now I was going to pay for it.

Deep down, where I tried not to think about it, I knew just what I had lost in doing so. 

The numbness and pain from so many months ago didn’t return. Instead, for some insane reason, all I felt was a hot, blazing embarrassment that made the backs of my eyes sting and my cheeks flush. Not just because I had committed the ultimate treason imaginable when I’d given myself to Jacob, but because I already wanted to. Again, and again.

Something was very, very wrong. I felt almost feverish, over-sensitized. Even the rasp of clothing pulled over my skin as I shakily got dressed was distasteful and set my teeth on edge. I may have been inexperienced, but I knew something about these feelings was not normal.

I rifled around in my bag, trying to locate a shirt to replace the one that Jacob had torn off me, another blush stealing over my cheeks at the memory. I pulled on extra warm thermal socks, wishing there was time and opportunity to take a warm shower to freshen up, and relieve the wicked, blush-inducing soreness between my thighs. I shuddered in remembered pleasure, my clit giving a sharp ache in response, as if the soul-destroying release from a few minutes ago hadn’t relieved the need inside of me at all.

What was happening to me?

“Bella, I’m gonna go talk to Seth and see what’s up. Make sure you stay warm, okay?” Jacob gave me a hesitant smile, the hope and love in his gaze tempered by generous amounts of caution, as if he couldn’t fully believe I was his, or what had just happened between us. I tried to smile back at him, the guilt and anxiety roiling in my stomach as my mind now turned to the fight brewing down in the clearing. All to save me. People I loved were risking their lives for me while I sat up here feeling sorry for myself and causing even more pain and drama. God, what a mess.

I reached my hands out towards Jacob, desperate for his warmth and reassurance. Right now, he was the only thing that felt real and sane in my life. He breathed out almost as if in relief, moving towards me and wrapping his strong, warm arms around me, holding me to him for a few long, blissful moments. I closed my eyes, wishing with every fiber of my being we were back in his garage, and it was just a normal weekend morning before we went out to ride bikes and hang out with the pack. 

What blissful days those had been. I should have cherished them more while they lasted.

He tilted his head to press a sweet, loving kiss to my lips, then rested his forehead against mine. I took a deep, centering breath, trying to make sense of the wild changes coursing through me as I basked in his warmth surrounding me. Even when my life spiraled wildly out of control, Jacob had the power to make me feel better.

“God, I love you so much,” he sighed happily, kissing me again with a smile before crawling out of the tent, zipping it back up behind him so I could finish getting dressed in peace. 

I took another steadying breath, unsure of what would happen now. I knew Jacob, though, and I knew we would face it as we always did. Together.

A stab of pain tore through my chest as my mind finally dredged up the thoughts I had desperately been avoiding until now.

That snarl I’d heard just before waking up, the crash, like something splintering against stone. I winced, feeling a sob hitch in my chest. I instinctively knew who and what that had been. 

Edward’s pain must be excruciating, I thought miserably about my betrayal. Barely even two days prior, I had finally capitulated to becoming his wife, and I then I had turned around and slept with another man. 

It was despicable. I was the worst sort of scum imaginable. 

_Cheater_ , the angry, guilty part of my mind hissed venomously, while the rest of me railed against that fact. 

Something had happened between Jacob and I, something that I had a feeling would only grow more confusing in the coming days and weeks. Already I could feel the heat curling through me again, building, making me ache and my skin prickle. I needed Jacob’s touch, his kiss. It was the only thing that eased it, that made it bearable. Like he was made for me.

That had to count for something, right? Some small, measly redemption?

Didn’t it? 

I shook my head, curling my lip distastefully at my rationalizations. I steeled myself against the cold as I tugged Jacob’s parka on, breathing in his scent like a junkie as it surrounded me, and I knew. The part of me that had cried out in agony when I was forced to stay away from Jacob, the part that had dripped in the back of my mind like a broken faucet whispering _Jacob, Jacob, Jacob,_ had finally broken free from the chains I had tried to wrap around it, and claimed him, making the choice for me when I had been to cowardly to do it myself.

I stepped outside, blinking as I was momentarily blinded by the sunlight on the snow. My gaze drifted towards the cliff wall, and I saw the destruction of a tree that looked like it had exploded against it. 

The sight stabbed straight into my heart as if one of those splinters of wood had lodged itself in my chest. A clear, damning mark of my transgressions, my betrayal.

I curled into myself, falling to my knees as the heartbreak tore open a new hole in my chest, the shame almost unbearable. What was more disturbing, however, was how I couldn’t make myself feel truly sorry for it. If anything, I was almost relieved, which caused another wave of self-disgust to wash through me. The battle between the two pieces of my heart could finally stop now, I supposed. There was no going back from this. Edward would never want me again, and the thought of becoming like him, my skin pale and ice cold was almost revolting as I thought of losing the heat that filled me now. My heart thrummed, strong, vibrant, and it was like new life had been breathed into me. The veil over my eyes had been rashly torn away, to show me the bright, beautiful life that lay before my feet. The life that I had been all too eager to throw away.

The life that would include Jacob. Warmth. Sunlight. 

I turned my face up to the sun, feeling the cold air bite at the tear tracks on my cheeks. I admitted to myself that I had never felt more alive than when I had been locked in Jacob’s embrace. It was better than motorcycles, better than cliff diving. Better than anything I could have ever imagined, and I had been a breath away from recklessly tossing it aside for the cold embrace of immortality. 

What did that say about me as a person?

“Bella.”

The soft, velvet voice pierced through the silence of my inner turmoil, and I gasped, whirling around as I came face to face with my shame. 

My heart splintered into a million pieces as I met his gaze. There were no words for the anguish that swirled in his deep, topaz eyes. His face was still, a cold, stone mask, even as his skin refracted the sunlight in a brilliant display. There was still no way for him to hide the pain from me. I could sense it as keenly as the lust I knew he could smell on me. My betrayal. 

“Edward…” I gasped, a sob hitching my breath as I staggered to my feet. 

The accusation, the quiet condemnation in his eyes was killing me. 

“I’m so… _so_ sorry… I…” I gasped, fighting to speak around the tears that were coming fast and hard now, burning my skin against the cold air. I shuddered as a fresh surge of heat rushed through me in response to my emotions, making me wince. It felt so out of place while I faced down the man I had betrayed, a brutal reminder of the choice I had made. 

“It’s alright, Bella. I understand,” he said quietly, his lips barely moving as he stared a little over my shoulder, and I was back in the woods next to my house all over again when he had left me the first time. I felt my knees buckle as a wave of agony washed through me, threatening to pull me under.

“Don’t make excuses for me,” I snapped, and in the back of my mind I was alarmed at the volatility of my emotions. It was like I had lost some vital piece of control, of equilibrium I had once possessed and now I felt raw, like an exposed nerve. “I’m despicable. Just say it. You hate me,” I lashed out, my arms wrapped protectively over my chest as I tried to hold the pieces together. This was so much worse than the last time because there was no numbness to escape to, no blissful emptiness to hide within. My emotions were careening out of control, guilt and shame battling viciously with my heart.

“I could never hate you, Bella,” Edward said sadly, his eyes as hard, clear, and deep as they had been that day that he had left me, but this time it was me. I was leaving him.

He stepped forward, raising his hand to brush his fingers down my cheek.

Blinding pain seared my flesh as he touched me, and I cried out, stumbling back as I instinctively fought to get away. I heard Edward say my name, his voice confused, panicked, but it was drowned out by a guttural snarl that erupted from the far side of the clearing. Jacob’s wolf launched out of the tree line, coming to a hard stop between myself and Edward. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my vision as the fiery lash of pain slowly receded. It had felt like a hot, branding iron against my skin, making my stomach churn with nausea and my skin crawl.

“Jacob…?” I whimpered in confusion, my palm pressed against my cheek as if I’d been slapped. Edward had touched me so gently, as he always did. I knew he had. So why had his touch hurt so much?

What the hell was _happening?_

Edward stood stiller than a statue before Jacob, his angelic, Adonis features contorted in anguish and misery as Jacob’s thunderous growls rolled violently through the clearing.

“I understand now,” he bit out, the words ripped from his lips like a curse. He gave one hard nod before almost staggering back, leaning heavily against the cliff wall. The rock groaned in protest as his shoulder dug in, crushing it to dust against his strength.

I watched as Jacob finally settled enough to phase back. He quickly tugged his sweatpants back on before rushing to my side.

“Honey, are you alright? Did he hurt you?” he said worriedly, his thumbs stroking my cheek. Soothing warmth spread through me at his touch, and I trembled, my mind reeling in confusion. 

“Wh… _why_ did it hurt…? He didn’t try to hurt me,” I gasped, my breath coming in short sobbing pants, bordering on hyperventilation. 

“Shh… shh, honey. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out, okay? We’ll figure this out together, I promise,” he soothed, his eyes worried as he gathering me into his arms, rocking me gently. I gave myself to the sobs trying to wrench their way out of me as I turned my face into his chest, all the emotions, pain, and loss suddenly just too much for me.

“Aww, how sweet.” 

I froze. Cold, bone-chilling horror swept through me as the baby-soft voice drifted from across the clearing.

Before I knew what was happening I felt wind rush through my hair, and my back was pressed against the cliff wall faster than I could blink. Both Jacob and Edward crouched defensively in front of me as my worst nightmare stepped lithely into the clearing.

Her mass of fiery red curls seemed brighter than I remembered. It shone brilliantly against the white of the snow, seeming to shimmer around her like a flame along with her glittering skin. Beside her was another vampire, a boy with shaggy blonde hair that I didn’t recognize, but I could hardly tear my frightened gaze from her face to look at him properly.

Victoria’s eyes were black with thirst as she stared at me hungrily. A wicked smile curved her lips like a scene straight out of my nightmares as she shifted forward, moving fluidly like a jungle cat. Her gaze flickered restlessly between the three of us facing off against her, but she couldn’t seem to keep her gaze from me for long, as if she feared I would disappear into a wisp of smoke if she looked away for too long. 

Oh, how I only wished I could. 

She inhaled deeply, drawing in the scents of the clearing. I could clearly see the tension shimmering through her, the all-consuming, passionate hatred directed entirely towards me. Her head quirked curiously to the side as she took in the sight of Jacob’s arm pressing me protectively backward into the cliff, and she frowned. I fought to hide my trembling as her gaze raked over me assessingly.

“Interesting…” she murmured, her eyes flickering back and forth between Jacob and I quickly as she seemed to piece together some information. “You little slut! You’ve mated them both,” she laughed incredulously, shaking her head as if bemused by the situation, her lip curling in distaste. My face flamed at the insult. 

A snarl ripped from Jacob’s chest in response, deepening its threatening timbre until the hairs on the back of my neck stood up in primal awareness. Victoria’s eyes widened slightly at the sound, unconsciously taking a half-step back. Her instincts for self preservation were too powerful, and she knew she had just entered into a very dangerous situation.

The blonde boy looked at her from the corner of his eye, as if awaiting instruction. 

I could tell Victoria was frustrated that I wasn’t just with one other guardian. I could see her plan now, plain as day. She had meant to have Riley attack Edward while she came after me, knowing he would most likely be wherever I was. 

The boy was young in more ways than one, I guessed. His eyes were a brilliant crimson, so he must not have been a vampire for very long. He would be strong, but inexperienced. 

Fear slammed into my gut as I thought about either Jacob or Edward fighting him, but there was nothing I could do now. All my begging and pleading for them to remain out of the fight happening somewhere down the mountain had been in vain. The real fight had come to us.

“It was always you,” Edward growled, shifting his body so he was directly blocking Victoria’s line of sight to me. She hissed, feinting to the side, but he matched her move a split second before she made it. Victoria whirled around to look at Riley, gesturing impatiently towards Edward, ordering him forward.

“Riley,” Edward said in a soft, pleading voice. 

The boy froze, his eyes going wide as he stared at Edward in shock. 

“She’s lying to you, Riley,” Edward told him, his voice so insistent I was convinced he was actually telling the truth. “Listen to me. She’s lying to you just as she lied to the others. She knew they were no match for my family. She knew they would be slaughtered, and she didn’t care. That’s why she had _you_ lie to them, so it could never fall back on her. Is it so hard to believe that she would deceive you, too?”

Doubt swept over Riley’s expression, and I could see the insidious thought worm its way into his consciousness, lodging into whatever weakness the suspicion he may have already been harbouring had caused. 

“She doesn’t love you, Riley,” Edward’s soft voice was compelling, almost hypnotic, though I could hear an edge of strain in his voice, like the words hurt for him to say, and I cringed internally, a new wave of self-hatred washing over me. I had caused that pain. It was my fault. “She never has,” he continued. “She loved someone named James, who I killed. You’re no more than a tool for revenge to her.”

When he said James’ name, Victoria’s lips pulled back in a snarl, baring her teeth in a hideous grimace of hatred. Her eyes stayed locked on me as she waited for her opening, her body coiled like a spring, ready to strike at any moment. 

Riley cast a frantic look in her direction, his expression torn. 

“Riley?” Edward said, and he automatically refocused on Edward, as if spellbound. “She knows that I will kill you, Riley. She _wants_ you to die so she can stop pretending. Yes-- you’ve seen it, haven’t you? Her reluctance when she kisses you, the false note in her promises. You were right. Every kiss, every touch was a lie. She’s never wanted you.”

Edward shifted forward again, and Victoria’s eyes zeroed in on the space between us, though her gaze flickered suspiciously towards Jacob, who was watching silently. I could feel the tension rolling through his muscles. I knew how quickly he could phase, I just hoped it was quick enough to stop Victoria if she decided to attack.

My throat felt clogged with terror. The idea of Jacob fighting Victoria seared my gut. What would I do if he was hurt? Or worse?

I shuddered, feeling an aching, painful emptiness deep inside at the thought. Living without Jacob was a hell I could not contemplate. 

Riley repositioned himself, slower this time.

“You don’t have to die,” Edward promised, his eyes holding the boy’s captive. “There are other ways to live than what she’s shown you. It’s not all lies and bloodshed. My family can show you how. You can walk away right now. You don’t have to die for her betrayal.” 

Edward slid forward and to the side. Jacob’s line of sight to Riley was now uninterrupted, while Edward still shielded me from Victoria, and all at once I understood. Edward was silently giving Jacob space to attack Riley, while he would deal with Victoria. 

Fear was a demon cramping in my gut, making my knees weak, cold sweat breaking out over my face as I trembled. I couldn’t bear it if either of them were hurt because of me. 

“Last chance, Riley,” Edward whispered. 

Riley’s face was desperate as he looked towards Victoria for direction, for reassurance.

“He’s lying to you, Riley. I told you about their mind tricks, didn’t I? You know I love only you.” 

I couldn’t get over how little her voice matched what I had always imagined in my head. It was not the dark, feline growl I would have thought. It was a high, babyish soprano. Sickly sweet like cotton candy. It felt out of place coming from between her bared, glistening teeth.

Riley’s jaw clenched as his eyes cleared, his resolve solidifying.

“I’ll kill you, then your whore mate,” he hissed at Edward, sliding down into a predatory crouch.

A dark, dangerous chuckle rumbled from Jacob’s chest.

“Wrong mate, buddy. This just ain’t your lucky day.”

A loud, ear-splitting tearing noise was the only warning before Jacob jumped forward, bursting into his wolf. It was no less shocking seeing it for the second time. Scraps of his clothing still fluttered through the air as he lunged, his large, snapping teeth coming within an inch of Riley’s arm.

“Fuck!” he yelled, moving back to escape Jacob’s reach, and the battle began. 

Terror sank its bloody claws into my throat as I watched with bated breath as Jacob stalked Riley through the clearing, the deep, bone-chilling snarls promising death. Riley looked at Victoria, panicked.

“Help me!” he begged, not fast enough as he tried to dodge Jacob’s lunge. An awful screeching noise filling the air as Jacob managed to tear his arm off at the elbow, shaking it briefly before tossing it out of sight.

Victoria barely spared a glance for the poor boy she had just declared her love for. Her eyes were locked on me, and now I was the one whose gaze was torn between two things. I whimpered as Jacob received a hard kick to his shoulder and I heard a crack, but in the next second his teeth closed on Riley’s shoulder then, giving a hard tug and it ripped off like a broken twig. 

Riley’s screams of pain had me slapping my hands over my ears, wincing at they pierced my sensitive eardrums. 

My eyes were torn away as I watched Edward and Victoria dance, only it wasn’t dancing. Victoria was trying to get around Edward’s defense, but he wouldn’t let her circle around him. He was always a split second ahead of her, shadowing her perfectly as her thoughts betrayed her just before she moved. 

Another hideous, grating screech had my gaze whipping back towards Jacob’s fight seconds later, and I grimaced as Riley’s misshapen body staggered, big chunks of him missing as Jacob darted in and out, incredibly light on his feet for his size. I realized he was practically playing with the young vampire, taunting him even as he tore him to pieces bit by bit. 

Victoria was feinting, desperate now, her furious gaze locked on me even as her feet began pulling her away, her instincts screaming for her to run, that the battle was lost. I could see her burning desire to kill me warring with that survival instinct, keeping her in stasis. 

Edward saw it, too.

“Don’t go, Victoria,” he crooned in that same hypnotic tone he had spoken to Riley with. “She’s right here. Come and get her, if you can.” 

I looked at him, aghast at his teasing. What the hell was he doing? 

“You can always run later,” Edward murmured, his voice a seductive purr as he tried to entice her forward. “There’s always time for that, it’s what you do, what your special talent is. That’s why James kept you around, isn’t it? Though, it really is too bad he had less affection for you than a hunter would for his mount. I would know,” he tapped the side of his head with a smirk. Victoria’s eyes screamed murder. “He could have used your talents when we caught up to him in Phoenix and tore him apart,” he taunted, and I winced at Victoria’s strangled screech. She lunged forward, feinting to the side, but Edward blocked her easily, and the dance began anew.

A shocked, wolfish yelp and the snap of bone breaking came from the side, and I gasped in horror as Jacob staggered back, favouring his flank. His muscles twitched as if he were trying to shake off the pain. Riley had finally made contact, and I bit back the scream that bubbled up in my throat.

 _Please!_ I wanted to scream. _I can’t live without him. Please don’t hurt him!_

Riley stalked forward, limping strangely as it appeared he was missing a foot. It was grotesque. I felt bile rising in my throat at the sight, my eyes darting around quickly and seeing what looked like white shards of stone littering the clearing. There was one small issue, however.

Riley was backing Jacob right towards me, and I had nowhere to run. 

I saw Victoria’s attention turn to her partner finally, her eyes quickly judging the distance between him and I. 

Just then, Jacob seemed to recover, and he lunged, snapping at Riley, pushing him back. His limp was gone, and I sent a silent prayer of thanks to whatever gods were listening for his supernatural healing. His tail brushed against Edward’s back as he circled Riley, driving him further away from me, his guttural snarls making Riley’s desperate gaze dart back and forth from him to Victoria, pleading for help.

Edward chuckled darkly, shaking his head as Victoria’s eyes practically bulged in her head. 

“No, he won’t turn on me,” he answered the question in her mind, using her distraction to slide closer to her. “You ensured that. You provided us a common enemy, and we joined together.”

Victoria hissed, an almost feline noise of frustration, her eyes refocusing on Edward, determination steeling in them. 

“Look closer, Victoria,” Edward murmured. “Is he really the same as the monster James tracked across Siberia?”

Her eyes widened even further as her gaze flickered wildly between Jacob, Edward and I now, her head shaking in disbelief.

“That’s impossible,” she hissed.

“No, it’s not impossible. The only impossible thing here is you achieving your goal. You will never touch her,” he swore, sliding another inch towards her.

“I will bathe in her blood while you watch!” Victoria shrieked, lunging forward again, but Edward was there to block her. Her expression contorted in frustration, but then cleared just as suddenly, settling into seething fury and hard, cold determination as she slid further into a crouch and stalked deliberately forward. 

Victoria was no rash, crazed newborn. She was experienced, and she was lethal.

Edward shifted just a half second before she did, already stalking towards her, and the fight increased in tempo.

It was like Alice and Jasper in the meadow all over again. Blurs of movement too fast for my eyes to make out began spiraling wildly, though this dance was not perfectly choreographed. Sharp cracks and snarls reverberated off the cliff face whenever someone was not fast enough, although they were moving too quickly for me to see who was faltering.

Riley whirled around, distracted by the violent ballet unfolding, and Jacob seized his chance. He lunged forward, and I was unable to tear away my horrified gaze as his razor sharp canines closed around Riley’s head, and he tugged, shaking him wildly like a dog that had caught a small creature. Riley’s scream of agony gurgled and cut off as Jacob finally sunk his teeth deep enough, a horrible, grating screech tearing through the clearing as he ripped Riley’s head off, and tossed it away, snarling in triumph.

“No!” Victoria screeched, faltering just a split second too long, and Edward flung her back against a tall spruce that shuddered violently at the impact. She landed in a ready crouch, eyes like black fire as she yowled, moving towards Edward with murderous intent. 

Jacob turned, and lunged.

“ _No!_ ” my agonized scream echoed Victoria’s as she whirled around, her hand swinging out, landing a bone-crunching hit to Jacob’s chest, sending him flying across the clearing and slamming into the cliff face where he crumpled onto the ground, and did not move again.

Sheer terror thundered through me as I staggered towards Jacob’s fallen form, my vision spinning. No. _No, no, no…_ This couldn’t be happening.

I stumbled forward, tripping over a root and caught my fall hard, pain shooting out from my palm as I hissed, starting to pull it back against my chest when I saw it. 

A river of crimson poured out of a deep gash in my palm, and I felt bile rising in my throat even as I heard Victoria’s sharp gasp. 

My eyes flew up, wide with fear as they met hers. Pitch black, like a demon’s, her eyes zeroed in on my hand, and I felt a well of grief rise up inside of me. Better for it to happen now, I thought bleakly, so I didn’t have to live with the dark, cold reality that I had lost Jacob. There was no sunlight without Jacob. No joy. No life. Just death.

Just emptiness.

The smile that had haunted my dreams flashed across her face as she coiled and sprang, and I waited patiently for that cold embrace of death, the thought echoing through my mind- _I’ll see you soon, Jacob. I love you._

Something small and white collided with her in mid-air as she sprang, sending her careening backwards into another tree which cracked in half, crashing down almost as if in slow motion as Victoria twisted, landing on her feet in a crouch. She snarled in wrath as she seemed to finally realize she was alone, and there was no hope of her getting past Edward. 

She began to retreat, not even sparing the broken pieces of Riley’s body a farewell glance. Frenzied hatred blazed in her eyes as she shot me a baleful glare, her teeth bared with disappointment. 

Then I did something that shocked even me. 

Bitter hatred poured through me as I raised my bleeding hand, wiggling my bloodied fingertips in a taunting farewell, and smiled. 

“You bitch!” she screeched, shooting towards me like an arrow from a bow.

But Edward was faster- a bullet from a gun.

He caught her unprotected back, and with one last simple step, the dance ended.

His lips touched the back of her neck, almost like a lover’s caress, and it fell from her shoulders, bouncing and rolling away into the dark undergrowth.

I forced my eyes away as Edward, all business, began dismembering the headless corpse. My eyes drifted listlessly across the clearing as I took in the dark mass of fur collapsed on the ground. 

“No…” the choked sob tore out of my throat as I crawled forward, not caring that dirt and moss was rubbing into the gash in my hand. I could barely feel it now as ice crawled through my veins, freezing me from the inside out, my heart seizing painfully in my chest. 

My hand reached up, my fingers shaking as they brushed against the soft fur of his muzzle, and I sobbed, curling into myself as agony wracked me. Death was preferable to the aching emptiness that twisted through my chest. 

“Come back to me… please don’t go… please… Jake...” I begged, my cries almost wails as I clenched my fingers in his fur, my body bowing beneath the weight of my grief. It felt as though my body couldn’t contain it, that it would tear out of my chest and leave me flayed open, bleeding. I felt fur slipping out of my fingers and I cried out, my hands scrabbling desperately as I was blinded by tears. I couldn’t understand, who had taken Jacob away from me? What was happening?

“B-ella…?”

I blinked through the tears streaming down my face rubbing my eyes furiously with the sleeves of my jacket as my jaw dropped. 

Jacob lay in front of me, back in his human form, dark, mottled bruises covering most of his chest and back. He was breathing, if shallowly, his face twisted in pain. 

“Oh!” I cried out, crawling forward as my hands fluttered over him, desperate to prove to myself that he was okay, but not wanting to cause him any more damage. “Jacob! Are you okay? Where did she hurt you? Oh, god, please tell me you’re alright,” I begged, frantically brushing the hair out of his eyes as he blinked up at me, looking dazed.

“The fuck happened?”

A watery laugh bordering on a sob escaped from my lips at his crass words. I leaned forward, touching my forehead to his as I gave myself to the wrenching cries that were tearing at me. 

“I-I th-thought y-you were d-dead you a-asshole!” I wailed, feeling his warm fingers card through my hair, stroking my cheek. 

“Nah. Just… fuck. Damn. She got me good, didn’t she?” Jacob groaned, his fingers probing the tender flesh of his chest, wincing. 

“At least ten broken ribs, a pierced lung, and a possible concussion,” Edward’s soft voice carried from across the clearing. I looked over, wishing I could wipe the guilt from my face as he tossed the last few pieces of the dismembered bodies into a pile. He pulled a silver lighter from his pocket, flipping it on before tossing it into the pile, his face an expressionless mask. 

The pyre quickly caught flame, sending a thick purple column of smoke swirling into the air. My eyes watered at the smell, the choking smell making nausea roll in my stomach as I watched it. It looked much too solid for comfort.

“Is everyone okay?” I asked in a small voice, my eyes turned back towards Jacob. He would know best as he was in wolf form not too long ago.

“Yeah, I think it’s all finished up. Cullens and pack are all fine. Leah is shaking off a broken leg, but it’s nothing serious. A newborn caught her off guard while she was finishing off another,” Jacob sighed, grimacing as he took too deep of a breath. 

I let myself absorb this fact, nodding my head as another wave of tears threatened to well up and spill over.

My friends and loved ones were all okay. Victoria was never coming after me again. It was over.

Now, all we had to deal with was the fall out.

“Edward.”

My eyes opened wide as I looked at Jacob in surprise, but his eyes were locked on Edward who was standing a little ways off, watching the pyre. He turned slowly, keeping his face carefully neutral, but I thought I could see the anguish hidden deep in his eyes.

“Yes?”

“Thank you,” Jacob said, sincerely, his hand resting gently on my knee. I shuddered, battling unshed tears as I turned away, too cowardly to meet Edward’s gaze any longer.

“Take care of her, Jacob. You hold my whole soul in your hands.” 

I felt Jacob’s fingers stroke me gently, and although I couldn’t see it, I knew Edward was gone. 

Epilogue- Three days later

“What did they say?” I asked Alice nervously, biting my lip. We were sitting on my bed cross-legged as she regaled me with the tale of the Volturi showing up after the fight. She had only been able to see them once the wolves had gone, but it had been close. Too close for comfort. The Volturi did not honour treaties made with werewolves.

“They asked where you were, and we told them you were gone. I showed Aro how your future disappeared, and they believed it. I suppose deciding on Jacob is what saved your life,” Alice gave me a sad smile, and I hung my head, feeling guilt roil in my stomach.

“Don’t be sad, Bella. It’s okay, really. It was always one of the options. I couldn’t understand because, obviously, you disappeared from view, but I can catch glimpses of the future when you’re away from Jacob. A particularly interesting parent-teacher conference…” her eyes got that far-away look as she delved into the future threads of my life. “Your firstborn is going to be quite a handful,” she laughed her tinkling laugh, and I felt a rush of warmth in my face as I blushed furiously. I couldn’t even imagine having kids right now, but something about her certainty of it made my heart squeeze happily.

“And Edward?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. “Will he be alright?” 

Alice gave me a long look, her lips pursed thoughtfully. 

“Edward will eventually... move on,” she said slowly, watching my reaction as if afraid I would break. I closed my eyes and nodded, acknowledging the small twinge of pain in my chest for what it was- a grieving for a life and love that I had chosen to leave behind. 

“And he’ll be happy?” I whispered, a tear leaking from the corner of my eye.

“Oh, yes, Bella,” Alice whispered, squeezing my hands through her carefully padded gloves. I couldn’t bear the touch of a vampire anymore, but she was always so considerate. I gave her a watery smile, nodding my approval. All I ever wanted was for Edward to find his happiness. 

“Good. I’ll miss you. Will you visit?” I asked hopefully, and she flashed me a brilliant smile.

“Of course, silly! I’m going to be the best aunty, after all.” 

She stroked my cheek in lieu of a hug goodbye, and I waved her off as she leaped gracefully from my window. 

Later that evening I lay curled in Jacob’s lap in front of the fire as the pack partied on the beach, celebrating their victory. We laughed along with them, though Jacob still winced a few times when his muscles pulled on tender ribs. It was a testament to how hard the hit he took was that the bruises were only just starting to fade days later. Charlie had given a half-hearted grumble when I had refused to leave the rez, choosing to sleep on the Blacks’ couch the last few nights while Jacob recovered from his ‘bike accident’. He swore that if I ever touched one of those ‘damned death machines’ ever again I would truly be grounded for the rest of my life. I gladly assured him that Jake and I would give up the bikes, though my fingers may or may not have been crossed behind my back.

Jacob’s lips ghosted over my jaw and I shivered, feeling a flush of heat wash through me. Whatever crazy reaction I had had in the tent the morning of the fight had abated while Jacob was healing, but this morning I had woken up feeling that familiar warmth begin to curl through me once more. Jacob had been shooting me dark, heated glances all throughout the day, though I studiously ignored him, reminding him that his ribs were still bruised and we would be partaking in no such thing until he was entirely better.

That didn’t mean I wasn’t burning hotter and hotter for him with every passing hour. 

“I’m feeling better, now,” Jacob crooned in my ear as if he could hear my thoughts, and I suppressed a moan, swallowing hard at the seductive timbre of his voice. 

“Oh, are you know?” I said archly, twirling the stick I held that was toasting a marshmallow over the fire.

“Mhm. And your scent has been torturing me all day,” he groaned, nipping at my ear. I giggled, then glanced up, blushing as I heard a few wolf whistles mixed in with gagging noises.

“Oh, get a _room!_ ” Embry made a face while Quil waggled his eyebrows at me. I rolled my eyes at them, patting Jacob’s hand where it was curled around my hip as he gave an annoyed growl.

“They’re just jealous,” I assured him with a sneaky wink and a grin.

“Just y’all wait till you find your mates. Then we’ll see who’s laughing then,” he muttered, squeezing his arm around me as a chorus of chuckles echoed around the fire.

I smiled, relaxing into Jacob’s warmth as my gaze drifted up to the moon, the sparks from the bonfire swirling and dancing before it in the night breeze. The playful chatter and laughter drifted around us with an air of family and belonging, and I knew everything was finally going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think! x


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